


List of Grievances

by Rigil_Kentauris



Category: Deus Ex 1
Genre: Excessive Complaining, Gen, but dont let anna hear you call it that, crossposted, listfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 13:36:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13718802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rigil_Kentauris/pseuds/Rigil_Kentauris
Summary: [FW: Walton Simons, From: Agent Navarre, Subject: List of Grievances Draft #3, 1-50]Simons,I don't get paid enough for this, but you do. I'm giving her your email. Have fun.-Manderley





	List of Grievances

[ **To:** Director Manderley, **From:** Agent Navarre, **Subject:** List of Grievances Draft #3, 1-50]

  1. The time Paul tried to start a band with Gunther and I.
  2. The time Paul convinced Gunther to participate in karaoke in the break room, and, consequently, they were late to a team meeting.
  3. He often attempts nonlethal methods in the field and then gets himself hurt, which in addition to being worthy of grievance on its own, reflects poorly on team readiness.
  4. He is too soft.
  5. ~~He has no augmentations.~~
  6. He has _nano_ augmentations.
  7. He is an enabler.
  8. He and Jaime conspire with one another.
  9. Consequently, Jaime is too easy on him and conceals the full extent of his many injures in the field obtained from point number 3.
  10. His appointment was political, not earned.
  11. He gets bad 30s music stuck in Agent Hermann’s head, who then proceeds to hum until bad 30s music is stuck in _my_ head.
  12. He is too soft. 
  13. I don’t like him.
  14. The time he became upset when I submitted the first draft of my list of grievances.
  15. This was an unprofessional reaction.
  16. The time Carter equipped my team with gas grenades, and I did not discover this until halfway to the drop point.
  17. He and Carter conspire with one another.
  18. Consequently, Carter is too easy on him and conceals the full extent of his many poor decisions stemming from point number 3. 
  19. The time he signed ~~the three of us~~ my team up for team building exercises.
  20. The time his younger brother asked if I was a “Bond Girl”.
  21. The time his younger brother asked if I was a “Bond Villain, then”.
  22. The time he told me about point 20 and point 21 as an anecdote.
  23. He has an annoying younger brother.
  24. The time he bought Agent Hermann a custom electric keyboard with large keys.
  25. Doubtlessly this highly transparent scheme was a part of his continued campaign to start a band.
  26. The time he convinced you to instate a winter holiday party.
  27. The time he convinced you to allow a gift exchange to occur.
  28. The time he bought me a holiday scarf.
  29. If I wanted to my opponents to have such an egregious advantage in hand-to-hand combat, I would simply invite Agent Denton along. A scarf is not necessary.
  30. The time Paul and Gunther got drunk at the holiday party and convinced half of UNATCO to do karaoke in the break room, and, consequently, we now have a karaoke night.
  31. He makes smugly superior comments about sniper rifles.
  32. He and Jock conspire with one another.
  33. Consequently, Jock is too easy on him and flies him to places not on the UNATCO authorized list of acceptable destinations.
  34. Unrelated: He is forever attempting to convince Agent Hermann and I to go places “for fun” after work.
  35. He is a New Yorker.
  36. Further, he complains incessantly about the subway. I am tired of hearing about the deficiencies of the A Train.
  37. However, despite point 36, and if not for point 33, the subway would be his single most favored form of transportation.
  38. He makes no sense.
  39. He has poor taste in food, and creates meals like an underprivileged American college student might.
  40. He has poor taste in clothes, and has multiple buckles and zippers on his jacket.
  41. He has poor taste in music, and knows all of the lyrics to the first ten songs on the 40s international hits list, unfortunately including the latest кино autoremix.
  42. He is attempting to learn Russian, as well as German.
  43. He asked me if he should use вы form or ты form verb conjugations for me, in a manner that suggested he believed there was even the slightest chance I would say ты.
  44. He is always _around._ Standing, sitting, talking to someone. Doesn’t he have an office?
  45. When does he do work?
  46. Related to point 44 and to point 45 - he is always doing other things, yet he somehow accomplishes his tasks anyway.
  47. Thus, he should be taking on more responsibility.
  48. He is irresponsible.
  49. He is too soft.
  50. I don’t like him.



50-100 to follow next week.

-Agent Navarre


End file.
